Spanish Lessons, Seasonal Depression, & All About Love Chapter 4

In this episode, I begin with discussing my language learning journey that I'm actively on with becoming conversational in Spanish, and how I want to incorporate how we approach English to Spanish fluency long term (08:55). I talk later on about the prevalence of Seasonal Depression going into the fall and winter months, and offer some recommendations I hope will make the transition smoother (21:32). Finally I discuss chapter four in All About Love which tackles self-esteem, and what were my most important takeaways (33:40). Hope you enjoy!

TRANSCRIPT

Amaka (00:00:16) - Hey, everyone. Welcome back. Welcome back to the Letters and Layers podcast. Is your girl Amaka. I've been having quite the morning this morning. My microphone is deciding to be difficult. I don't know if it's the cord. I don't know if it's the microphone itself. And to top it all off, I am recording on the day that the podcast is meant to be published. In fact, it should be up right now, and I apologize. My schedule the past couple of weeks as to where the best time to record was today. So here we are. I'm leaning on just making sure I get it out today. Consistency is key and consistency is what I'm leaning on right now. So yeah, that's what's happening. I'm feeling a little stressed because, you know, I was not anticipating this happening. And I can feel the tearful energy trying to bubble up in situations like this. Sometimes what it takes to move forward is to cry it out, and then I'm able to think things through and think about what I need to do.

Amaka (00:01:52) - So. I don't know. I'm fighting that today because I need to move. I need to keep going. I need to get this recorded. So here we are. Welcome back. How are you guys doing? I hope well you know always sending you guys love and. Strength and whatever it is you need in this moment, I'm sending it to you. It is a Sunday morning as I am recording. Like I said, if you're hearing this on publishing day, you are getting as close to real time as possible because. I am going to finish this and I'm going to edit it and I'm going to put it up for you guys. So if I'm sounding a little weird, it's because I've been fighting with my equipment for like the past almost hour and I'm just like, why is this happening? My headphones are in need of repair, so I am recording without headphones today. Makes me a little bit nervous, but the computer is saying that it's getting my voice. So I'm going to lean on that.

Amaka (00:03:11) - And I am dipping my toe into what it would look like to record video, because I would like to start posting some clips here and there. So I have my. Phone in front of me. It's leaning on my portable speaker on top of some books, and I don't know. We'll see how this footage comes out. Maybe I'll use some clips. Maybe I'll post some TikToks and shorts with the content, I don't know. All I do know is that I eventually want to start posting. Some video content, you know, and all you can do is just start and go from there. I feel like I was. Experiencing some analysis paralysis over the past couple of weeks because I'm thinking, oh, how do I approach this whole video piece? Do I need to buy a new camera? And I was online searching for cameras and like, the really, really good ones are pretty expensive. And I'm like, I really don't want to shell out that amount of money, you know? And then I'm like, oh, should I upgrade my phone because I have an iPhone 11 Pro? And you know, with being online and looking at people's perspectives about this tech equipment, I'm just like people are saying, oh, upgrade to the iPhone 13.

Amaka (00:04:31) - It has the best camera. Oh, just do the 14 or 15. And I'm just like, you know what? I'm just going to put my phone on. I'm going to press record and we'll just see what it looks like. So a couple of times this week while I was working, I just had the video on and I was like, oh, the quality of my actual phone that I have right now is actually pretty good. Where my office is situated in the apartment has the best light, so I really like how it looks on my phone, my current phone, which is an iPhone 11. So I'm just like, you know what, maybe I'll get a new phone, maybe I won't, maybe I will buy a podcast camera, maybe I won't. But right now I don't want to stay stuck when it comes to this video stuff because, you know, the goal is to just talk to you guys. The goal is to share how I'm thinking about things and feeling and talking about the books that I love and just like mental health stuff and just how to be better.

Amaka (00:05:38) - And, you know, that's what's most important. So I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to the quality of my current phone is decent enough. So that's what we're going to use. And I'm liking what I'm seeing right now. So for the time being, that's what is going to be my form of video content. And it is what it is. It's okay. So trying to figure out what's going on with my microphone and was getting frustrated and I'm like, I might need to just do my best today and order a new one. But. We move. As I'm talking, I'm nervous because what it's been doing is like just randomly disconnecting from the computer. And I'm actively recording and it's actively getting my voice. So I pray to God nothing will happen while I'm trying to record, but I'm going to move on. So as far as my past couple of weeks have been, they've been busy really trying to focus alongside my nine to fives, trying to lay the groundwork for just my personal and professional aspirations in terms of working for myself long term.

Amaka (00:06:55) - I technically do work for myself when it comes to like what I'm considered as when it comes to an employee. I'm not a W-2 employee, I am a 1099 employee, which is pretty much like an independent contractor, like you manage your own taxes and things like that. So I am technically I technically work for myself, and I contract my services to the mental health facilities and private practice that I work. But when I say working for myself, I mean like having my own, what should I call it? Having having my own establishments, having my own brand out there and letting people know what services I'm able to provide in the mental health and overall wellness space. So starting to lay the groundwork, you know, teaming up with a couple of people who can help me with that. And, you know, I don't know what will come of this. All I do know is at the end of the day, I want to be completely and totally in charge of myself. You know, I want to have complete and total autonomy over what my workday looks like, which I kind of already have, but I'm seeking that on another level, and that won't happen tomorrow.

Amaka (00:08:23) - This is groundwork that I'm laying now for the future, you know, three, 4 or 5, ten years from now. But. I feel like I have to start now. You know, there are fruits of your labor that you really don't see until so much farther down the road. And you got to start now. You got to start today. So yeah, I'm thinking about that. I'm thinking. I've been thinking a lot about the work it takes to learn a new language. Because I've been I've taken Spanish lessons off and on. For years. When I was in elementary school, I took Spanish instead of French. Well, in elementary school we were only offered Spanish as a foreign language option. In high school, you could learn Spanish or French, and I just continued with Spanish. So with that, Spanish has been part of my life from an academic sense for forever. I even remember the name of my elementary school Spanish teacher. So, you know, it just felt like one other class.

Amaka (00:09:47) - I had to take, one other class I had to do well in. But being older now and just seeing how the world is, the direction things are going and just how much language, seeing how much language apart from English is becoming part of American society and culture. And, you know, kind of zooming into my life specifically, I just feel like I've had to just take it more seriously. And I've taken personal, like individual Spanish lessons in the past. But I kind of started and stopped, and I decided that once we moved that I would take them up again. And I wanted to be a lot more serious this time. So once we moved, a couple of weeks after we settled in, I started Spanish lessons again online and I settled on a tutor who lives in Mexico, and we meet every week on Tuesday mornings and. I feel like I'm making progress. It's been about two and a half months at this point. And I've had times where I feel like I'm hitting a plateau, but.

Amaka (00:11:08) - You know, I just want things to be different this time. And how are things going to be different if I just don't stop, if I just keep going, you know what I mean? And this has got me thinking about the English language and how. It's. Is not something we think about. Talking particularly about the United States and living here, English as the official language of the United States. And, you know, we just talk it. We just speak the language. We just write the language. We just read it. We just hear it. And in trying to more solidly incorporate the Spanish language into my daily life, I am realizing more and more I kind of knew this. I mean, you kind of know things on the surface level, but like really thinking about it, I'm like, ultimately I speak English at the level that I do. As an American because I speak it every day. I hear it every day. I read it every day. I write it every day.

Amaka (00:12:20) - Like I am constantly interacting with the English language. And that work, even though it doesn't feel like work because it is second nature. It is innate in me that work that I'm not aware of is constantly being reinforced because I'm constantly practicing it. I'm constantly practicing the English language. You know, we don't think of it as practicing it because we speak it at such a high level. But the fact that I can keep speaking English is because I keep practicing the language of English. I keep reading the language of English, I keep writing it, I keep hearing it, and I'm like, okay, this is ultimately why I can speak English and not think about it like I'm not translating English from another language in my head before I say it. Whereas that's what's going on with Spanish. And I'm like, okay, like more so, even more than just occasionally opening my Duolingo app. And. You know, speaking with my Spanish tutor once a week, I need to incorporate Spanish into my daily life.

Amaka (00:13:29) - Like daily life. I need to hear it every day. You know, I need to try and speak it every day. At the very least, I need to hear the language every day. So I am thinking about how to do that. You know, because if I'm hearing it every day, it'll get to the point where my understanding of the language is deep enough to where I'm not struggling to really understand what folks are saying. And I'm getting better. You know, like, my husband will send me TikToks in the Spanish language. And I'm like, you know, hearing listening to what they're saying. And I'm getting more and more over time. But that kind of immersion, there's a reason why immersion programs are like the best way to learn a language, because it's constantly around you and your brain is getting acclimated to processing something that's so new and it's like being flooded with it. So it kind of needs to go into overdrive to process all this new information. So I'm just kind of thinking about how to go about it, you know, being more consistent with the Duolingo app, which we all have running jokes about.

Amaka (00:14:44) - But at the end of the day, it helps with progress. You know, shows that I'm watching on TV or YouTube videos or what have you. You know, even if I listen to it in English, like play it back and listen to it in Spanish, you know, or at the very least, listen to it in English and have the subtitles. But I saw online yesterday there was this language TikTok that I saw that, you know, approaching adoption of a new language. You kind of have to approach it from the perspective of a child or an infant who is not able to speak it yet. You know, taking English, for example, but is around the language all the time. So according to that piece of content that I listened to or I watched, the best way to learn a language is to inundate your ears with it. Like, listen to it nonstop, because it was like this short interview of a white woman who lives in Japan and speaks fluent Japanese. And someone asked her, how did you learn to speak Japanese so well? And she said that she was living in the country and she didn't have many people to speak to, to actually practice the language, but she could listen to it like she was listening to films and, you know, all different types of audible Japanese content, which, you know, she got to a point where she could understand majority of what she was hearing and then started to practice speaking.

Amaka (00:16:17) - And that's a lot like how infants and toddlers start learning English. They may not speak right away, but they're around the English language constantly, every every part of the day. You know, they understand what you're saying. If you tell them to do something, they'll do it, but they're not talking to you right away. And then when they get to the point where they can actually process speaking words, that's when they start talking to you. So I'm thinking about that too. I'm thinking about prioritizing, listening more to the language and kind of going from there. But at the end of the day, I just have to make sure that the language is incorporated into my life. I can't just depend on seeing my Spanish tutor every week. I can't just depend on opening my Duolingo app a couple of times a week. Like, the Spanish language is not my first language, so I need to treat it like it's my first language and listen to it every day. Speak it as much as I can, and approach my level of progress similar to a child who is going to make mistakes.

Amaka (00:17:30) - And that's one thing that I have struggled with, you know, because I strive for such a level of excellence with everything that I do, that I feel silly speaking something where I'm making mistakes. But then you are always going to be a beginner. At some point if you're starting something new. So actively still trying to get over those hangups, I think I'm getting better. But at the end of the day, I just wanted to share this because I feel like we're. Approaching, you know, a future where it's going to be more and more important to be able to at least understand more than one language, even if you don't speak it. And I think it's also going to be very important to speak more than one language. So I want to be equipped in that way. And when I have kids, I don't want them to just know English. My husband is part Mexican, so we want our kids to know the Spanish language. I want to reincorporate my native Igbo language, to which I understand pretty well, and was actually my first language because that's what my parents spoke to me when I was little.

Amaka (00:18:48) - Little. And then, you know, I took on English when I started going to school. So I still understand a lot of it, which is a gift because my siblings understand a lot less and don't speak nearly as much as I can. If I'm in the right environment. But Igbo is considered one of the dying languages in the world, and it's not as prevalent. But it's a part of me. It's a part of my culture, it's a part of my history. And Igbo culture is such a rich culture, and the language is such an integral part of that. So I want to, you know, put as much effort as I can into learning the Spanish language and relearning the Igbo language and imparting these gifts on my children because they're gifts. It's truly a gift to be able to communicate in more than one way. You know, I've heard sayings similar to, you know, when you speak in English to someone who English is their second language, you speak to their head, but when you speak to their native language, you speak to their heart.

Amaka (00:19:51) - And I, I find that so profound. So I am prioritizing that more. I would love to learn French too, but I'm just like, girl, don't do too much. Let's not do too much. Let's tackle Spanish first. Let's get good with Igbo first and then, you know, maybe later on we can talk French. But I just wanted to bring you guys in on that part of my life. I'm actively on a language learning journey and I'll give you guys periodic updates on how it's going. But I have always I don't know if I've always been passionate about language, but I know myself to love language. I mean, it makes sense when I think about what gives me, what makes me happy, what lights me up, you know, mentally and emotionally. It's words. And that is the essence of this podcast. When you boil it down, you know, my love for words, my love for words when it comes to writing them. Because I love to write. I'm a big journalist, and I hope to write a book one day.

Amaka (00:21:02) - And my love for reading words with books so it doesn't. It only makes sense that I love words in different languages, and would love to speak them and be able to communicate with a larger group of people and be able to not only talk with them, but to, you know, connect with them like heart to heart. So that's what's going on there. I'll keep you guys posted and I think I'll move on from here. I wanted to talk about seasonal depression a little bit, because I know that the seasons are changing, and I, I have some content in a past podcast about seasonal depression, but I wanted to circle back to it because I think it's important to talk about it every year. I'm sure. Thankfully, I appreciate all my new subscribers and listeners to the podcast, and if you haven't listened to that past episode, I wanted to just offer some insight because it's it can surprise people how much the weather and change of seasons can affect your mood, and I think it's important to let people know that they're not weird.

Amaka (00:22:31) - They're not the only ones going through it. There is nothing wrong with them. If you remember. If you listen to my last episode, I talked about how was it my last episode, maybe 1 or 2 episodes ago. I talked about how, like, I was feeling rather low energy, and I decided that I needed to get back into drinking my water more consistently because I wasn't hydrating as well as before. And how I almost feel like a withered flower that was starting to get back its life. So I say that to say that we're a lot like plants. We're a lot like plants. Not exactly, but we have similar characteristics in terms of needing sunlight, you know, and how we process sunlight in the form of vitamin D and needing water because it's part of our essential functioning. So with the change of the seasons, you know, going from longer days and warmer weather and summer and spring months to, you know, colder, cooler weather, shorter days, it can affect how you feel.

Amaka (00:23:37) - And that is not unusual. I find that I struggle a little bit, and I have to put kind of more effort into my day to day when it comes to the transition of seasons, and then when we approach the dead of winter, because especially if you work a job where you are inside, it gets to the point where in the winter you are getting to work before the sun comes up, and then you are leaving work after the sun goes down. And that can be a lot. That can be a lot to kind of. Process, and that can be a lot to come to terms with. So I just wanted to talk about how seasonal depression or seasonal affective disorder is very common. It's very common. And you can experience symptoms akin to clinical depression, major depressive disorder. With the change of seasons, you can start feeling like you are not really into the things you are usually into the activities, the hobbies that you derive joy from. You are feeling less motivated to partake in them.

Amaka (00:24:47) - Your appetite may decrease or you may feel more prone to eating more food. You may be craving more sweets, more carbohydrates you know, which trigger a part of our brain that makes us feel better in the moment. And you can find yourself wanting to seek that out more. Since the the feelings, the positive feelings that the good weather gave you are less and less as we're transitioning to, you know, a colder part of the year, that can also be the case. You can find that you start to sleep more. You know, you don't want to be up and out as much. Your mood is lower and you're just not feeling you're not feeling up to it. And that's okay. It's sometimes referred to as winter depression, sometimes referred to as winter blues. And it is affecting a lot of people and it does affect a lot of people. So I just wanted to touch on that, and I wanted to talk about certain things that I think is important for folks to keep in mind as we're approaching the colder months, and as the days are getting shorter and shorter.

Amaka (00:26:04) - The first thing which I've already mentioned is. Stay hydrated. You know, drink your water. They're really good ways to flavor water. If you don't like the taste of regular water. Using fruits, using certain vegetables I love lemon water. Cucumber water can taste really refreshing. You can flavor your water with oranges and different fruits. And at the end of the day, just make sure you're getting hydrated because we tend to feel low energy, not just as the seasons are changing, but in general. And I find that low energy can be attributed to dehydration a lot of the time. And what I've been doing more recently, especially, you know, before I start my workday, is just take a glass of water. Like as I'm waking up, I'm making my way to the kitchen and I'm drinking a glass of water, more like a mason jar. Like I try to get a 32, almost 32oz of water first thing in the morning. And I made that a point last week and my level of productivity.

Amaka (00:27:20) - I was actually quite surprised. I was like, is this because I drank water first thing in the morning? I was also coming off of my cycle too, so I'm just like, maybe my energy is shooting up with that as well. It could be a myriad of factors, but my my mood, my general feelings of contentment, just how I was moving that day, I just felt better in general. So I was like, you know what? I'm I'm going to keep this going. And I got a lot of work done that day. More, more so than I typically do. Also, too, I did it on Friday and saw similar results. I'm like, you know what I take for granted? What water does for me in a positive way, and I need to make sure that I keep it as part of my daily health and wellness regimen. Because it's so simple. It's so simple, just taking a glass of water. But it is really interesting how much it can affect how you feel.

Amaka (00:28:27) - So as we're getting less sunlight, as the days are getting colder, you know, and it's getting a little bit harder. Try and hydrate more. Try and get yourself more water. Like I said, I compare us to a degree to plants and trees that live off sunlight and water, and to a degree we do too. Our bodies are made up of a large percentage of water, and a lot of our bodily functions are essential functions run on water. And need it on a regular basis, and we don't tend to give it enough. So as the seasons are changing, maybe prioritize getting a little bit more water during the day and see how you feel. I also wanted to mention that the change of seasons is also a good time. If you have not in a while to get your labs drawn and see how your levels are looking. Because that can also be a contributing factor to how you are feeling, whether it's good or bad. You know, with less sunlight, we're getting less vitamin D, so check your levels.

Amaka (00:29:43) - A lot of people are low on vitamin D, and not only is it a vitamin, it functions as a hormone in our system too. And it is an essential hormone and vitamin that we need for daily functioning. So I would bet that a majority of my listeners are deficient in vitamin D. That's typically one of the major components of the labs that I get from my mental health patients. And I would say 80% of them are deficient. And even if they're not, they're on the like low end of normal. So I usually get that done and I recommend vitamin D to my clients. And I'm recommending it to folks who are listening right now. Get your labs checked, see what things are looking like, see if your thyroid levels are good. Thyroid can impact how you feel. Check your vitamin D, check your B12, check your iron. Iron can have a lot to do with how we're feeling. It can have a lot to do with our energy levels. Get your iron checked, get your B12 and folate checked.

Amaka (00:30:54) - That can also affect how we're feeling. So those are kind of like the off the cuff recommendation not off the cuff, but like off the top of my head. Those are the recommendations I would offer to folks who have a history of seasonal depression, or are prone to experiencing that with the change of seasons. And, you know, if you can get outside at the peak of the day, during the fall and winter, make sure you dress warm, even if it's ten minutes, you know, get a quick walk in, warm yourself up, get some sunlight on your face. We tend to underestimate how much of an impact certain things can have on us in such a short period of time. 5 to 10 minutes outside with the sun on your face can positively impact how you're feeling more than you would expect. So just keep that in mind. And to summarize, with the change of seasons comes a possible dip in how you're feeling and your mood and just not wanting to engage and maybe feeling a little bit more isolated and ways to combat that.

Amaka (00:32:07) - Ways to fight that is to stay on top of your hydration. Low energy can be contributed to dehydration. So try and drink a little bit more water or tea. And and when I say tea, I mean like, you know, green tea, you know, just like tea bags that you would put in water, but nothing really replaces water. The only alteration I would recommend in that case is just adding some fruits or vegetables to improve the flavor for yourself, if that's what you need. You know, get your levels checked. See what things are looking like when it comes to what I mentioned before, the vitamin D, which is big. The iron, the folate, the B12, the thyroid. Get those checked out, you know, and get outside. Dress warm, make sure you're not freezing. Do what you can to dress as warm as you can and just get outside if possible. Even if it's like a three minute walk around the block. Despite the coldness of the weather, you'll find that you could feel better.

Amaka (00:33:16) - You know, just getting a little bit of sun can work wonders for us, so I hope that helps someone out there. I know I kind of have to do a check in on myself when the seasons are changing. So I was like, you know what? It's definitely worth it to touch on this again as a podcast segment. So with that, I'm going to move on to the last segment of the podcast. I wanted to reconnect with the book, All About Love. By bell hooks. The last time we talked about it was chapter three. So we're continuing on with chapter four, which focuses on love for self in the form of self esteem. And I wanted to start by detailing the definition of self esteem that Belle uses in the book, and the definition is taken from a gentleman by the name of Nathaniel Branden, from his book called The Six Pillars of Self Esteem. So bell hooks references his book by highlighting the quote of what self esteem is defined as, which is the practice of living consciously, self acceptance, self responsibility, self assertiveness, living purposefully, and the practice of personal integrity.

Amaka (00:34:59) - She continues on beyond the quote. Living consciously means we think critically about ourselves in the world we live in. We dare to ask ourselves the basic questions of who, what, when, where, and why. So one thing that I really appreciate about this book so far, and I'm sure that I will continue to get as I keep reading, is that she. Acknowledges that what we need and, you know, in this particular case we're talking self esteem. The need to have self esteem is not always and sometimes more so than not, it is not cultivated. It is not nurtured. From childhood, you know, the ability to assert oneself in the right way. The ability to have compassion for ourselves. The ability to take responsibility for our actions. Self esteem as a whole, depending on the environment that we grew up in and who raised us where. Whether it's parents, whether it's relatives or caregivers, the tools that are needed to nurture our self-esteem as children we don't often receive, and that can have a huge effect on us that can take a huge toll on us as adults, and how we see ourselves and how we interact with the world.

Amaka (00:36:24) - So she talks about how that is something that we may be missing from childhood, but that does not excuse us from doing the work as adults. And I think that this is so important to say, because oftentimes until we get to that level of awareness, will use the experiences and how we were treated as young people and children to keep going in the behavior that we are so comfortable in for as long as possible, because it helps with avoiding accountability. It's the excuse we use to avoid the discomfort of growing, you know, by blaming the people that were responsible for us and blaming the environment that we grew up in, this, that and the other. This makes me think about the interview that Kerry Washington did on The Breakfast Club a couple of weeks ago, as she's promoting her book Thicker Than Water, about how, you know, there's certain things that we get from childhood, good and bad, you know, but part of the work of being an adult and doing better for ourselves and just for our worlds and our life, is to seek out the tools that we did not get as children and make ourselves better.

Amaka (00:37:54) - We parent ourselves from the point where our parents and caregivers and our environments have less of an impact on us.

Amaka (00:38:03) - Recently, I heard you say that parents do the best that they can, and then it's up to us to parent ourselves after that. Explain that.

Amaka (00:38:11) - Well, I think like. One of the things that I've truly come to terms with in writing this book is that my every choice my parents made was out of love. They weren't trying to be cruel. They weren't trying to hurt me. They really thought that this was the best choice. And by the way, doctors back then said it like artificial insemination was so new, they would say, we do this thing, and then you go home and have sex and then you have plausible deniability. And nobody knew 40 years ago there would be these home tests, 23 and ancestry. You had no idea. So they were like, go home and have sex. Then the kids yours. End of story. Nothing to talk about, right? And so it I think my parents didn't want me to feel different.

Amaka (00:38:50) - They didn't want me to feel weird. They didn't want me ironically, they didn't want me to feel distance from them, even though that's what wound up happening. So I know that they made loving choices or choices out of love, even if they didn't feel loving to me. But I think we have to. For me and my journey, it's been like it's been good to understand who they were, to have compassion for their choices. But I can't blame them for where I am now. Like, now that I have awareness, I have to say like, okay, they gave me everything they could with as much love as they could in the places where I feel like I don't have the tools that I needed, I didn't get the tools I needed in that household. Part of being an adult is to say, how do I give myself those tools? How do I ask for help in therapy? And, you know, reading coaches like, how do I now close the gap between what they gave me and what I need? That's my responsibility as an adult.

Amaka (00:39:40) - If I just sit here and continue to complain about what they didn't give me, then I'm keeping myself a child.

Amaka (00:39:46) - I think that compliments what Bell is saying in this chapter that ultimately, yes, when it comes to self-esteem, we get what we get with our childhood. We get what we get with the caregivers and the parents that raised us. But we get to a point where we really can't blame how we're acting and how we're interacting with the people around us and the people in our world. We can't blame how we're acting on anyone else any more. We have to really turn inward and look at ourselves and cultivate awareness around what tools are we missing. And then we have to actively do the work to seek it out. That has that. That applies to so many things. But I see how that applies to, you know, getting to a point where you are building up your self-esteem because that's work I had to do. That's work that I know folks in my life have had to do. And it's not easy work, but it is necessary work if you really want to get to the point where the stories that you are living in and the things that you tell yourself in your head are no longer true and no longer have control over you.

Amaka (00:41:00) - So I really appreciated her making that note, and I'm not going to go too deep into all the components of Nathaniel Brandon's definition of self esteem, but I just want to highlight a few pieces. Bell talks about how affirmations really helped with her process of building up her self-esteem, and how initially she didn't really take it too seriously. And, you know, I feel like I had a similar sentiment towards affirmations when I first started hearing about them, but now they're actually a part of my life in a very regular way. Affirmations are a means of which I help myself get through my day. It's a means to which that I help myself motivate myself to get things done if need be. And I just want to quote what bell hooks says in regards to affirmations. Although I had for years been interested in therapeutic modes of healing and self help, affirmations always seemed to me a bit corny. My sister, who was then working as a therapist in the field of chemical dependency, encouraged me to give affirmations a try to see if I would experience any concrete changes in my outlook.

Amaka (00:42:25) - I wrote affirmations relevant to my daily life and began to repeat them in the morning as part of my daily meditations. At the top of my list was the declaration, I am breaking with old patterns and moving forward with my life. I not only found them to be a tremendous energy boost, a way to kick off the day by my accentuating the positive. I also found it useful to repeat them during the day. If I felt particularly stressed or was falling into the abyss of negative thinking. Affirmations help restore my emotional equilibrium. So I am so happy she said this because one thing I want to note, particularly around affirmations, is that they have to apply to you. I see them as a very effective tool when it comes to building self esteem. It's not going to like change how you feel about yourself overnight. As with anything that requires work and is worth doing, it's going to take time. You know, if you start seeing, if you start seeing affirmations today, you might not necessarily feel that different tomorrow or two days from now or even a week from now, but you will start feeling different about yourself over time.

Amaka (00:43:50) - If you are doing these affirmations with actions you know that move you towards your future self that you are striving for. And I think a big piece of affirmations and how to use them correctly is like I said, to apply them to your life. Affirmations like I'm strong, I'm smart. You know, more general affirmations are helpful, but I think they don't impact you as much as incorporating it or making it relevant to your day to day life and what you need, essentially. On the last podcast episode, I was talking about my fitness journey that I'm actively on and that how I am using affirmations to get me going when I am not feeling motivated to do my workouts. And I have tailored those affirmations to what I see that exercise has given me, and I'm telling my affirmations to what I hope to get from exercise in the future. Very specific affirmations to where like if I am struggling with why I have to get up and go work out, I'll pull those affirmations up and you know, it gives me a boost.

Amaka (00:45:13) - You know, it helps to pull from the momentum that I have generated to keep going. So I love that she specified that the affirmations need to be relevant to you. They need to be relevant to what you're seeking. They need to be relevant to the goals that you have for yourself. And that is one of the big keys to, I think, the effectiveness of affirmations, and particularly in this case when it comes to building your self-esteem. One more piece that I want to highlight in this chapter is the component of self esteem. And that definition that she gave from Nathaniel Brandon's work about self assertiveness. Part of having low self-esteem is not being assertive. And when I say assertive, I mean, you know, speaking up when you feel the need to speak up for yourself, you know, saying what needs to be said on your behalf that no one else was safe for you, just taking more of an active role in moving through your life and much less of a passive role. Letting things happen to you less, you know, versus making things happen.

Amaka (00:46:26) - When it comes to self assertiveness, that piece can impact how you relate to the people around you. If you're getting to the point in your self-esteem building journey where you're starting to be more open and you're starting to speak up for yourself more, the people that you may have bonded yourself with at the point in your life where your self esteem was low, it might start to cause friction and if the people that you were bonded with do not feel empowered or inspired by your journey, if they start to feel affronted or they start to feel threatened, you may find that those relationships will fall away. And I say this because it can be scary. You know, there people have fear of being alone. People have fear of not having anyone around them in their corner to support them. But this is part of the work. This is part of the work of finding the people who will support you on your journey, who want better for you, who want you to speak up for yourself. And when it comes to that process, it's going to be difficult.

Amaka (00:47:47) - And you have to be aware of this. And I'm saying this because sometimes not knowing what's coming will knock us back, you know, in the journey, in the progress. That's why I'm saying this, because I think it's important to know that this can happen if you are bonded to people who you developed a relationship and connections with at a point in your life where your self-esteem was low and you are now actively working on building it, and you're working on tools and strategies, and you really want better for yourself, and you know that you can do better for yourself and you can have more. And there is a version of you that you are aspiring to be that is not who you were in the past and is not who you are now. The people that you were bonded with in the past may not be ready to do that work with you, and that may mean that relationship falls away. It may mean that you are not in contact with them as often. It may mean that you guys don't really talk much anymore.

Amaka (00:48:49) - And I think there needs to be an awareness around that too, because everyone is not going to be ready to go on the journey that you're going on. They may never go on that journey or they may go on it at a different time. But when you are ready, you have to know that they're going to be parts of that journey that you go on alone. But at the end of the day, you're doing what you need to do for yourself, and the right people are going to join you when they need to and when the time is right. But at the end of the day, building up self-esteem and knowing that you are worth more and that you deserve better, and that you are going to start acting like it is not going to be a smooth, linear road. It's going to have some turns, it's going to have some hills, it's going to have some valleys. But that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not worth embarking on, because it is. And I would venture to say that at the end of the day, you're going to be better for it, and you're going to be thankful to your past self that you decided to make the decision for you.

Amaka (00:49:56) - So those are just a few pieces of this chapter that I wanted to highlight. We're going to continue on with All About Love into the holidays and into 2024, along with some other content that I'm excited to bring to you guys in the next weeks and months. I want to say thank you for listening. To this episode. I'm going to end it here.

Amaka (00:50:24) - Thankfully my microphone behaved with getting this episode done. I apologize for it coming out much later in the day, but I'm leaning on consistency today and not timing. Sometimes you have to lean on specific pillars. You can't lean on everything at once. I'm leaning on consistency today. It may not have come out at the time I like, but it's coming out today on October 15th. Thank you guys so much as always. I appreciate you all. I love you all. Thank you to everyone who keeps listening. Please share. Please recommend to folks who you think will like this episode or past episodes. Please reach out to me with the new email contact information below.

Amaka (00:51:13) - I would love to hear from you guys if you have any questions or any feedback. Anything you'd like to share with me that I can share with our listeners, please let me know. As always, love you guys and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.